Dear Wayne,
What can I do about my wife? I work 10-hour days, busting my hump for her. When I get home I have to deal with my kids and put out more fires. The last thing I want to do is to have to listen to her complaining. How can I get her to give me a break?
Signed,
Tired
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Dear Tired,
I can sure understand why your wife would be tired of you! You “have to deal” with your kids? The last thing you want to do is to listen to your wife? Take a deep breath, my friend. You got some learnin’ to do.
First, it’s time to figure out how to turn this “have to” into a “get to” when it comes to your kids. There’s something going on in your head that’s keeping you from being the father—I’m sure you’d like to be—for your kids. They’re a blessing. Sounds like you haven’t taken time—for a long time—to be grateful for what you have. Maybe you can drive around the block a few times before coming home, and give yourself the chance to transition from work to home. Maybe you can take a moment and do a gratitude prayer, or a short meditation. Remind yourself why you work so hard. Your kids need their dad to be the best dad he can be.
As for your wife, one of the key BetterMen Tools is to listen. If you want an intimate relationship, if you want to have a loving home with a wife who adores you, you’ve got to protect and cherish her. That begins with being a good listener. She doesn’t need you to fix anything, just be there for her. Start paying attention to what goes on in your head when she starts to talk. Do you hear your mommy’s voice? Do you feel reprimanded? Maybe you have so much resentment built up, there’s no more patience.
It’s time to make a commitment to be a better husband. If you take responsibility—stop blaming her—and discover why listening has been so hard, you just may find yourself in a more loving relationship. And you may just get some “action” again. I suspect it’s been a while! Good luck.
