When men come to be coached, or to join one of our men’s groups, they usually want to know how long it will take. I ask them, “What do you mean by it?” Then there’s usually silence.
This “it” is a tough thing to define. For most men, the it is about getting unstuck from some suffocating set of circumstances, real or imagined. But how does one get unstuck? How long will it take to get unstuck? Well, that’s what the it is all about. The more important question to ask is: When will I begin to clearly define my goals, to create the vision of the man I want to be, and to start being that man in all areas of my life?
We live and breathe in a media-saturated culture that celebrates instant gratification, amazingly fast results, and extreme makeovers between the commercial breaks. That’s TV. That’s not life. Important changes take commitment and hard work. And the sooner we men learn that lesson, the sooner we grow up. The sooner we grow up, the sooner we can make changes in our own lives and the sooner we can teach those lessons to our kids. But first, we have to overcome the fear of acknowledging and addressing it.
One of the reasons why it can be so terrifying is because we men don’t realize that, more often than not, we have it in common with most other men. We don’t realize that fact because men generally won’t discuss it with other men. So, we keep it a secret, tell ourselves more lies about what’s wrong with us—or with them—and become increasingly more isolated. Stuck. That’s what we’ve been taught. That’s how men have been socialized to behave. But that’s not the way it has to be.
The BetterMen approach teaches men to build strong and trusting relationships with other men. We teach each other. We support each other to make changes in our lives. We make commitments and we hold each other accountable. That’s how we get unstuck. That’s how we make progress toward achieving our goals. And that’s how you can become the best man you can be in all areas of your life.
As for how long this process takes, well, that’s entirely up to you. Most men have been creating the walls, tightening the masks, and believing the lies for a very long time. It takes some time to sort things out and to develop a plan. It takes commitment and hard work to implement the plan, and to begin trusting yourself and trusting other men. But once you start, the changes start to happen. Once you make the commitment to be that better man, you actually start to become that better man. And that’s the beginning of the extreme makeover that really counts.
That’s all there is to it.
