Maybe you want to let go of anger, judgment or resentments. I hope that this brief conversation will help you to define what inner peace is to you, how to find inner peace, and the benefits of reaching out for help along the way.

What is Inner Peace?

Sometimes it’s easier to define what is not, rather than what is. You know how it feels in the absence of inner peace. You may be consumed with anger, sadness, resentment, jealousy, FOMO, regret, anxiety or depression. We know that all of these emotional and psychological states can cause mental anguish and negative physical consequences. When we’re suffering like this, all we’re asking ourselves and others is, “How do I find inner peace?”

Inner peace can be described in countless ways. But if we refer to the ailments listed below, we might agree that inner peace consists of some of the following feelings:

• safe
• calm
• being present
• comfortable in your own skin
• confident
• relaxed
• trusting
• connection to spirit
• unconditional love

How wonderful would it be to be able to access these high vibrational states of being at will? Imagine being able to recognize when you’re beginning to fall into some negative thought pattern and being able to quickly adjust, let go and move on. Sounds almost magical, maybe impossible. It’s not.

How to Achieve Inner Peace

Let’s approach the process of allowing inner peace to enter our bodies and our minds through a three-step sequence:

1. Awareness
2. Letting Go
3. Allowing

Some people approach the pursuit of inner peace as if it’s something that requires hard work, sweat and dedication…like training for a triathlon Well, I like to think of it more as the gentle process of tuning in to your body, letting go of the negative, and then allowing inner peace to fill the void.

You become aware of the negative emotions by learning to pay attention to your body. Whenever you begin to feel any of the negative emotions listed above, there is a corresponding reaction in your body. It might be a tightness in your gut, shortness of breath, increased pulse, a heating up in a part of your body, a sudden chill somewhere in your body, or any number of other physical symptoms.

When you teach yourself to pay attention to these physical reactions, you are able to bring awareness to the moment and focus on the cause of the physical and emotional disruption. If you think about it, it all makes sense. You’ve experienced this connection thousands of times in your life. The key is to understand that being aware in the moment gives you an opportunity to make a change for the positive.

Letting Go of Anger

Let’s walk through this three-step process using the release of anger as our challenge.

Awareness

First, we’re aware of being angry. We feel it in our body, and we’re consumed with an intense focus of our thoughts of what we’d like to do to solve the problem, seek justice, or beat the crap out of someone on the other end of the phone. You are now aware!

Letting Go

The next step is letting go. One way to allow the angry energy to dissipate is through breath. Just choosing to breathe, slowly, is the most effective tool you own. Slowing down your heart rate, focusing in on the inhales and exhales, and then becoming aware of how your body is now relaxing and coming back to normal, increases your self-awareness and will make it easier each time you get off track emotionally. You are now letting go of the anger! Remember, this takes time and practice.

Allowing

The final step is allowed. Once you’ve calmed yourself and have allowed the energy associated with the anger to move through your breathing, you can now make a new choice. Rather than locking into the negative and having your entire day ruined by the angry moment, you can now allow the more positive attitude to manifest and allow a sense of inner peace to replace the energy you have released. The beginning of inner peace!

Of course, this brief description makes it sound so easy. It’s not. It takes time and practice. But it is a gentle process in the face of the more violent process taking place in your mind and body when you react so strongly to life’s curve balls.

What does Letting Go Mean?

Letting go is breathing in inner peace and breathing out everything that is no longer serving you. It may be something you do dozens of times a day to calm yourself. This kind of daily practice is powerful and can help you on your journey to inner peace.

But Wait, There’s One More Bonus Step!

That bonus set is reaching out for help. You can’t do this alone. I was certainly not able to make the changes in my life on my own. I had teachers. I attended workshops. I developed a daily spiritual practice. I reached out for help all of the time and in many different directions. I encourage you to do the same.

I hope this examination of: Journey to Inner Peace: Letting Go of Anger and Reaching Out for Help has offered you some guidance for your own journey to inner peace. There’s obviously much more to learn and practice to discover your individual path to inner peace. Most men can benefit from the support of an experienced guide who can coach them through this amazing journey of growth and self-realization. It’s a journey well worth taking.

If you’re ready, you can book a 1-on-1 free consultation for 15 minutes, so we can discuss ways you can be the best man possible for yourself and, ultimately, the self-aware, compassionate, and confident man your partner is waiting for.

The post Journey to Inner Peace: Letting Go of Anger and Reaching Out for Help appeared first on BetterMen Coaching.

Before we discuss some of these powerful tools to help reverse negative thought patterns so you can reclaim your happiness, let’s talk about these shame spirals and how they tend to completely overtake your thoughts, making it difficult to focus on daily activities and challenging to fall back to sleep at 2 am.

What is A Shame Spiral

A shame spiral occurs when one has more and more feelings of shame about what they’ve done or who they are. The intensity grows to such a degree that the person suffering finds themselves in a constant loop of self-judgment, self-loathing, and inadequacy. 

This negative self-talk feeds upon itself and can lead to serious bouts of anxiety, depression, as well as other serious, unhealthy behaviors. If you’ve found yourself helpless to a shame spiral, you know exactly how awful it can feel.

The shame spiral is often brought on by some triggering event, like a conversation, an email, or watching a video that brings back memories. But for those who have suffered for years, a simple wandering of the mind, at any moment, can send them into a shame spiral. 

Essentially, as a person re-experiences this original shame through these episodes, the more powerful become the memories of the initial experience, and the more powerless one feels while spiraling in this vortex of negative thought patterns.

How to Get Out of a Shame Spiral

To stop a shame spiral in its tracks, you first have to be aware of the choices you’re making that allow the shame spiral to take hold. That’s right! You’re actually choosing to give your power away to this negative experience. Now, it doesn’t feel like a choice, and this is certainly not a judgment of you. But when you recognize that you can make a different, positive choice, you begin to realize the power you have to change course and reclaim your happiness.

Let’s examine some of the things you can do when struck by a shame spiral that can help you minimize this suffering in the future.

• Breathe.

Breathing is the foundation of most meditative practices because it is the first step to calming one’s mind and to be present for the meditation. Likewise, when the shame spiral starts, breathing slowly and intentionally can help you to calm your mind and to be present to the new choice of thinking more positive thoughts, like as gratitude for all that you have and all that you have achieved.

• Remind yourself that you have a choice to make.

The unconscious choice of allowing yourself to fall victim to the shame spiral has been reinforced over and over again for years. To develop a new pattern, you’ll want to practice and reinforce a new choice. Rather than allowing an old behavior to rule you, you’ll choose to redirect your focus to doing something productive, listening to calming music, exercising, etc., until you train your body to automatically choose to care for yourself and to refuse the negative thought patterns to govern your mood.

• Remember that no one on the planet is obsessing about this as much as you are.

When we dive into a shame spiral, it becomes the center of all things and completely distorts our perspective. We may be looping about an incident, a conversation, or even a brief interaction that happened weeks, months, or even years ago. We relive it over and over and experience it as if it just happened yesterday. But it didn’t. And whoever else was involved is probably not giving it a second thought. It’s important to remember that. You’re the only one obsessing.

• Focus on the importance of forgiving yourself.

Whether you did or said something inappropriate, wrong, or offensive, or are simply imagining you’re to blame for something, you don’t deserve to continue to punish yourself. That’s what shame spirals are all about…punishment. The truth is, you would probably forgive anyone else for doing what you think you’ve done. So why not extend the same grace to yourself as you would to others?

• Know that you are human and all humans have made and will make more mistakes.

Making mistakes is human. As they say, it’s not a bug, it’s a feature. Volumes have been written by very successful people grateful for their mistakes. It was through their mistakes, not their success, that taught them their most valuable lessons in life and business. We’ve all made them and will continue to make them. But if you learn from them and forgive yourself, you’re being the best human you can be.

• Journaling can support you to love yourself, to forgive yourself, and to be proud of the efforts you’re making, and let go of these past events.

Self-love is so important for our psychological and physical health. In fact, not loving yourself makes it challenging to truly love others. Journaling can help you to focus on self-love and your commitment to forgiveness and happiness. In fact, journaling is a wonderful tool to support you in all of your efforts to break negative thought patterns and to eliminate the shame spiral once and for all.

Figuring out how to stop negative thought patterns and shame spiraling is important for our mental health. It’s worth your effort to find what works best for you so you can learn to forgive yourself for past mistakes and reclaim your happiness. 

Every man’s journey is different, as are his particular needs. Most men can benefit from the support of an experienced guide who can shepherd them through the process. It’s a journey well worth the effort.

If you’re ready, you can book a 1-on-1 free consultation for 15 minutes so we can discuss ways you can be successful with your own efforts to let go and move on!

The post How to Stop Negative Thought Patterns and Shame Spiral appeared first on BetterMen Coaching.