By the time a man sits down for couples counselling, he’s already decided it’s his last shot at the marriage.
I’ve watched it happen for 30 years.
Some of you may be in couples counselling right now. That’s good.
You should be doing everything you can to get healthy, to find answers, to work together and solve the problems in your relationship.
Therapy can be a real crapshoot, and I know, because I trained as a therapist myself.
There are some good ones out there, but more often than not, you’ll work with someone who hasn’t lived enough or done their own work to help you.
Which is very unfortunate, because sometimes you pick the wrong therapist when a different one might have helped and changed the outcome of your relationship.
Couples counselling and coaching do two different jobs
Couples counselling works on the relationship.
Coaching helps prepare you to be the man you want to be inside that relationship.
Do that work first, and you walk into couples counselling as a different man.
You know what you want. You can say it to her confidently, and you stop waiting on her to change so you can feel alright.
That’s where things between the two of you can start to turn.
You’re arguing with phantoms
In my book, Hold On to Your N.U.T.s: The Relationship Manual for Men, I lay out 8 tools every man needs to have the kind of relationship, and the kind of life, he truly wants.
One of those tools matters more than ever when things get rough: don’t argue.
Some of you have had a lot of arguing in your relationship, and it’s time to stop.
You’re arguing with phantoms: old feelings and wounds that were created long before she ever came along.
When you’re arguing, you’re not really there. And right now, you need to be present.
It starts with you
You don’t have to wait until it’s the last chance.
The work is here for you now, and it starts with you.
But you can’t do all of it alone.
You need support to be the man you want to be, and couples counselling won’t give you that.
If you want help getting clear on what you want and how to be that man in your relationship, book a free 15-minute consultation call with me. We’ll look at where you’re at and what needs to change.
If you’re ready to go further start with a 90-minute Evaluation & Coaching Session, a focused conversation to help you see clearly and know your next step.
You can also grab a copy of my book, Hold On to Your N.U.T.s, if you’d like to learn more about these ideas on your own first.
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