Divorce sucks. There’s no question about it.
But on the other side of that difficult process are some amazing gifts. One of them is freedom, but you have to earn it.
Simply getting divorced doesn’t get you there. You have to learn the lessons and do the work. And if you do, one day you’ll wake up feeling free. Really free. Free to figure out who you are and to experience the things you want in life.
I’m so happy now, but if you’d seen me in the middle of my divorce, I looked very different. I was really depressed for a while, because this process can get you down.
Once it was over, I got excited about what was coming next — what I could learn, where I could go, and who I could be.
There’s gold on the other side of this process. But before you get there, there are some things you need to understand going in.
You Bring Your Marriage Into the Divorce
Whatever was happening in your marriage — whatever was dysfunctional between the two of you — is going to show up in spades during the divorce process.
If she felt you were a bully in the marriage, she’ll come into the process believing she’s dealing with a bully. If she felt you weren’t a good listener, if you were angry, or that you didn’t care — whatever it is, whether it was true or not — it was true for her. That’s what you’re up against.
It’s important to not be naive about this process. The better you understand the state of that relationship, the better you’re going to be able to respond to everything coming at you over the next few months.
What You’re Afraid of Losing
One of the things that worries men going into divorce — or even just thinking about it — is how much it’s going to change their lives.
What’s going to happen with the kids? The house? Family and friends?
Maybe you’re afraid of losing time with your children. Starting over at 50 and being alone. Watching everything you built together get divided up in a lawyer’s office.
I worried about all of that when I was considering divorce, and I had one more fear on top of it.
I’m a counsellor and a coach. I have men coming to see me every week, one-on-one and in groups. I thought, are they going to write me off? If Wayne can’t hold on to his own relationship, what are we coming to talk to him about?
Nobody mutinied.
Which was very interesting and wonderful, because there was so much to learn.
One of the upsides I couldn’t have predicted: I built a relationship with my adult son that’s much deeper than it was before. There was so much for him to learn about himself, growing up in our family. So much coming to light because of the work I was doing during my divorce.
You can’t control what’s going to happen, but what’s supposed to happen will. The lessons that need to be learned — not just by you, but by everybody involved — will be learned.
Have faith that in the end, good things will happen as a result of being honest with yourself and going forward through this process, no matter how painful it may be.
What’s Underneath It All
Underneath all the coaching tools, the guidance, and the follow-through — is where spirituality enters for me, and I think it’s critical.
Connecting to whatever it is you believe in: God, the divine, nature, the cosmos, whatever it is. Building that faith and trusting that what’s flowing to you is flowing as it should.
For most of my life, I gutted it out. I’m telling you, it’s painful.
Building faith changed me. And if you’re in this process right now, change is coming anyway. Why not go all-in and make this a bigger change?
Becoming a more spiritual, connected man will serve you well for the rest of your life.
Divorce Coaching Can Help
Going through a divorce is one of the hardest things a man can face. Having the right support during that process makes a real difference — not just for getting through it, but for coming out the other side as a better man.
Divorce coaching and marriage coaching for men is about helping you understand what’s really happening, why old patterns keep showing up, and what it’s going to take to move forward with clarity and self-respect.
Whether you’re trying to save your marriage or navigating the end of one, that guidance matters.
I’ve worked with men through both for over 30 years. The ones who come out strongest are the ones who stop trying to figure it all out alone.
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