Listening can be challenging for some of us for a number of reasons. We can be impacted or triggered and not even know why. You may be feeling attacked anytime you hear something critical. You might think that what you are hearing is about you even when it’s not. You may not know that what she’s saying to you really is how she feels, although it may sound entirely different to your ears.
Maybe she’s not great at communicating her feelings in a way that you can hear. Maybe she doesn’t know how to do it in a way that lands for you. More often than not, she’s trying to tell you how she feels.
If you react because you’re triggered, if you try to argue with her about it, change her mind, fix her, and otherwise interfere with what she’s trying to tell you, she won’t feel heard and now you’ve spun off into something that’s not very productive.
When you do your personal work you’ll find out what it is that’s keeping you from being the best listener you can be and, ultimately, the best partner you can be.