You may have heard of The Four Agreements by Don Miguel Ruiz. It’s a fantastic book. At the beginning of the book he talks about the domestication of humans He discusses how we are really the sum total of having moved away from criticism, consequences and pain, and towards validation, pleasure and approval.
From the time that we’re infants, we’re moving towards what feels better, and away from discomfort and pain. Ultimately, he says, by the time we get to be adults, 99% of who we think we are is not really who we are. We’ve simply become the result of having adapted to all of those experiences and messages.
And so the question is, who are you? What do you really like? What do you really want? I mean, you might be doing a great job of making money or acquiring friends. But are these your choices? Are you really doing what you want to do?
Now that you’re confronting divorce, a lot of things are going to change. And it’s a great opportunity to ask yourself, who am I and what do I want to do? And if I wasn’t moving away from disapproval and towards approval, away from pain and toward pleasure, and if just honored who I was born to be, what would I be doing, how would I be doing it, where would I be living?
These are some of the questions I asked myself. Divorce allowed me the freedom to start considering what that was really going to look like. And now everything in my life has changed: who I’m with, what I’m doing, what makes me happy, where I’m living. It’s all changed now. So don’t be afraid. Change is coming. Make it the change you truly want.