To be the man, father, husband or leader you want to be, you must develop and maintain a firm grasp of your N.U.T.s.
N.U.T.s—non-negotiable, unalterable terms—are the things that define you as a man. They’re what a man is committed to. And when these N.U.T.s are compromised, men become angry, unhappy, frustrated, depressed. They would rather blame others than take responsibility for their own actions. They’ll play the victim as they take out their negative feelings on those they love. They’re also the guys who will try to drown their sorrows in alcohol, drugs, porn, and a slew of other equally destructive behaviors.
To develop your N.U.T.s, first look at the areas in your life where you’re not being the man you want to be. Maybe it’s as a father, an employee or business owner, as a boyfriend or husband. If you were to be the man you wanted to be, what would you do differently?
Men who have participated in our BetterMen Retreats have come up with N.U.T.s like these:
- I am faithful to my wife.
- Compassion for my family trumps my need to be right.
- I am a risk taker.
- I do what I believe is in the best interest of my children, even if they disagree.
- I do not ask for permission.
- I do not indulge my addictions.
- I take my problems to men, not to women.
- I do whatever it takes to keep my family in our home.
- I honor my daily spiritual practice.
- I do not sell out who I am to please others.
Maybe these N.U.T.s will help you to develop your own. But remember, the men who developed these N.U.T.s had the support of other good men who helped them to get to the core of what they wanted to change in their lives. Don’t do this work alone.