Let’s start by addressing who this article is for and who it is not for. If your angry outbursts are resulting in persistent psychological abuse or physical violence of any kind, then you should seek out professional help.
There are many anger management programs, support groups and specialty therapies that have proven quite effective. The suggestions in this blog will not likely address your immediate needs.
But if you find yourself feeling angry quite a bit, and having occasional over-the-top reactions to life’s small inconveniences, then the advice offered here may be very helpful in guiding you toward new, healthier perspectives and behaviors.
We talk a lot about how to cope with anger management issues. And I’ll discuss a few tactics that might come in handy. But the ultimate goal is not management…it’s the reduction and elimination of the anger. If you can identify the source of your anger, you just may be able to heal the old wounds so your life isn’t all about “how to manage my anger.”
When to Seek Anger Management Help: Signs You Shouldn’t Ignore
Look, I get it. Nobody wants to admit they need help with their anger. But there are some clear warning signs that tell you when it’s time to stop trying to handle this on your own and get professional support.
If any of these situations sound familiar, you need to pick up the phone and call someone today:
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Hurting Loved Ones
When your partner, kids, or close friends are walking on eggshells around you, that’s a problem. If you’ve said things in anger that you can’t take back, or if people you care about have told you they’re afraid of your temper, it’s time to get help.
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Frequent Explosions
We all have bad days, but if you’re exploding over small things on a regular basis, your anger has taken the driver’s seat. When you find yourself yelling at cashiers, punching walls, or having road rage incidents, that’s your body telling you something needs to change.
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Work Problems
If you’ve gotten warnings at work, lost friendships, or people are starting to avoid you because of your temper, your anger is costing you more than you realize. When your professional relationships suffer because people can’t predict how you’ll react, that’s a red flag.
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Losing Control
There’s a difference between feeling frustrated and feeling like you’re watching yourself from outside your body while you rage. If you have moments where you don’t remember what you said or did while angry, or if you feel like a completely different person takes over, that’s serious flooding that needs professional attention.
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Physical Symptoms
Chronic anger doesn’t just hurt your relationships. It hurts your body too. If you’re dealing with headaches, high blood pressure, sleep problems, or stomach issues that seem to get worse when you’re stressed, your anger might be making you sick.
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Using Substances
If you’re drinking, using drugs, or relying on other substances to calm down after angry episodes, you’ve moved beyond normal anger into dangerous territory. This pattern can quickly spiral into addiction and make your anger problems even worse.
The bottom line is this: there’s no shame in getting help. In fact, recognizing when you’re in over your head and taking action to fix it is one of the most mature, responsible things you can do. Your family will thank you for it, your health will improve, and you’ll finally get to experience what life feels like without carrying all that rage around.
How to Manage Anger Issues in Daily Life
Here’s what men need to know about how anger affects their bodies. When we are triggered, the angry response will release various hormones and other chemicals into our bloodstream that make it literally impossible to stay grounded and available for a healthy interaction.
This process is called flooding. It can take anywhere from 20-30 minutes for men, specifically, to recover fully from this chemical reaction. That’s why we need to know a few anger management skills that will save us from destructive outcomes.
There are many available strategies to help you control your anger. Here are a few that I’ve found helpful for me and the men I’ve coached over the past 30 years.
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Count and Breathe
Counting to 10 and focusing on your breath is the most effective way to change the energy of the moment and to give you an opportunity to calm your nervous system, to keep from creating a negative situation, and to buy time to consider your next move.
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Remove Yourself
That next move might be to excuse yourself from the conversation or situation so you can clear your mind. If you’re dealing with a loved one, it’ll be important to let them know that you need a few minutes and that you’ll be back at a specified time.
When you do this, you’ll want to honor that commitment so that the conversation can continue in a calm and productive manner. If you don’t circle back, you’ll undermine trust in the relationship and simply kick the angry can to the next conversation.
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Move Your Body
Walking, running, push-ups, chopping wood, or any kind of workout or physical activity can help release negative energy from the body. The time allows you to be distracted, focusing on something completely different, and gives you ample time to recover from the flooding.
How to Release Negative Energy from the Body
In our culture, men are not encouraged to fully express their anger. Why? Because it’s terrifying for the men and for those witnessing. What we’re used to seeing from angry men is damage to themselves and others, actions that can traumatize children, abuse women, and land them in family court or jail.
But there are ways for men to safely express their anger and rage that can protect everyone from potential negative consequences. And the reason to explore these methods is to allow a man to completely feel the depths of his rage. When that process is allowed, a man can, at least for a time, feel free from the negative energy in his body which allows him to feel the sadness that typically lives beneath the anger.
This is the path toward awareness and healing. Men rarely give themselves the opportunity to fully experience their rage in a safe environment. And because of that, most men continue to walk the planet carrying these short fuses that can so easily result in destructive outbursts.
Here are a few ways to safely release that pent-up anger and rage:
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Scream Your Lungs Out
Primal screaming was a very popular therapeutic intervention several decades ago. It went out of favor. But I’m still a fan of its fundamentals. You can be in your car, in the middle of the woods, or in an empty express elevator in a high-rise. Just scream as loud as you can, using words or sounds. Do it until you’re exhausted. That’s the key.
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Destroy a Log
Take a bat, or a fallen tree branch, put on safety glasses and maybe gloves, and then beat the hell out of log. You can also just pound the ground. Again, words or sounds. It can be very helpful to direct your anger toward a specific person. You can direct it toward multiple people. The idea is to fully express your anger without any fear of consequences. You don’t have to be right. You just have to be honest with your feelings. Do it until you can no longer raise your arms.
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Attack a Heavy Bag
Another method, like the bat and log, is to put on a pair of boxing gloves and release your anger on a heavy bag. You can punch, hit or kick it. Again, direct your anger toward the people or situations that have caused you pain and don’t stop until you simply cannot raise your arms.
These exercises can be done alone or with another man you trust who might have similar needs.
Once you learn how to release negative energy through movement and exercise, you will become more aware of the feelings beneath the anger and rage. These feelings can then lead you to deeper work, which can ultimately help you to heal the old wounds and leave the anger behind.
I hope this examination of: How to Manage Anger and Release Negative Energy has offered you some guidance for your own journey to manage your anger issues and to release the negative energy when you find yourself flooded. There’s obviously much more to learn and practice to discover the source of your anger, and ways to heal the old wounds at the center of it all. Most men can benefit from the support of an experienced guide who can coach them through this amazing journey of growth and self-realization. It’s a journey well worth taking.
If you’re ready, you can book a 1-on-1 free consultation for 15 minutes, so we can discuss ways you can be the best man possible for yourself and, ultimately, the self-aware, compassionate, and confident man your partner is waiting for.
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