My spiritual practice is very important to me. I believe having a relationship with something other than you, bigger than you, outside of you, is important for all of us.
Throughout my divorce my mantra was “keep your heart open, keep your heart open, keep your heart open.” Why? Because divorce, more than anything else I’ve ever gone through, wanted me to shut down my heart.
When I got angry, my heart closed down. When we’re angry and depressed, our hearts cannot be open. To be the man you want to be, your heart must remain open.
One of the things that we focus on in this work (and I’ve done so for many years with the men) is this: what does it take to keep your heart open?; what does it feel like in your body when your heart is open?; what are what tools can we develop to open up our hearts when we feel it closing down?
To stay healthy throughout your divorce, you’ll need, perhaps more than any other tool, the ability to keep your heart open. Otherwise, what is a difficult process will become an even more painful one.
Start thinking about it now. What does it mean to keep your heart open? How do you feel in your body when you’re happy versus when you’re angry? What are the telltale signs that my heart is beginning to close? Might be a helpful homework assignment.