Having been a coach for over 25 years, and being so smart about relationships and so educated, when it came time for me to get divorced, I thought, well this one is going to be different.
I know what’s going on. I’m conscious. We’ve known each other a long time. It’s not working but we’re friends. I’m sure we’ll be able to work things out amicably. I’ll just be a nice guy, be fair, and we should be able to consciously uncouple. It’s not going to be a problem.
Well, all my friends told me how ridiculous that thinking was. They all told me, “no dude, it’s not what happens when you get divorced. Things happen, feelings come up, partners go sideways, you can’t control it.” I said, “no, no, no, no, it’s okay, I got this, I got this.”
Well, the truth was, I didn’t got this. In fact, it was everything I hoped it wouldn’t be. And what I learned was that we’re not special and different. Divorce is difficult, and what men need is an adviser whom they can really trust. And they need to heed the advice.
When the bullets start flying, it’s difficult to think straight. And if you’re relying only on your own counsel, you could really go down some dark alleys, and make poor decisions.
That’s why it’s important to have someone whom you trust, with whom you can talk things through, so that as you go through this difficult process you can do it with integrity and be happy with the way you showed up.