Guilt and regret can ruin your day, ruin your nights, and completely consume your life. That’s why learning how to stop feeling bad about something you did is so critical. Learning how to overcome guilt and regret can have a profound impact on your emotional body, spiritual body, and physical body.
Ultimately, what’s required is a shift in perspective. But causing that shift to happen isn’t so easy, as many of you have probably already discovered. The reason why it’s so difficult is that we are so stuck in our stories; the stories about what’s right and wrong, the stories about what we expect of ourselves, the stories about how important it is how others perceive us, and the stories about the things we did or said that we now regret.
I was once told that guilt is when you think you’ve done something wrong, while shame is when you think there’s something wrong with you. People use these terms interchangeably. So it may be helpful for you to think of guilt as guilt and shame as we go through this discussion.
To begin our examination of what it will take to have a positive shift in perspective so that we can ultimately overcome guilt and regret, we should take a moment to reflect on the lessons you’ve learned on your journey to manhood.
Here are a few things to consider:
Your Early Childhood Experiences
What happened to you as a kid has everything to do with who you are now as an adult. Experiences and trauma cause each of us to adjust in order to survive, or at least cope. Whether one or both of your parents were alcoholics, ragers, neglectful, physically abusive, emotionally manipulative, or absent, all have a profound impact on the little boy you once were. Understanding those early experiences can help you to see what work you’ll need to do to heal.
Relationship Experiences
Although your childhood experiences will certainly affect how you are in romantic relationships, there are many things that happen when boy meets girl that can also impact the way you learn to deal with your emotions and how you’ve learned to deal with guilt and regret. For instance, if you came into your relationships as a pleaser. Regardless of how demanding your partners may have been, you’ve probably learned to take on the responsibility for their emotions, which will surely open the door to more opportunities for unnecessary guilt and regret.
Workplace Experiences
As you applied yourself in the work world, you again had to confront situations through the filter of that wounded little boy. Perhaps your early experiences caused you to be a perfectionist in an attempt to avoid criticism, or worse. Or maybe your pleasing tendencies made you an employee who said yes to everything, only to disappoint everyone by taking on too much and not asking for help. The consequences of these many choices ultimately led you to more and more feelings of regret and guilt.
As a result of all of these early childhood traumas, adolescent, early adulthood and more recent romantic relationships, as well as your experiences in the work place, you are a walking magnet for taking on the responsibility of others’ feelings and actions, and automatically believing that you’re somehow to blame. What a terrible recipe for unending feelings of guilt and regret. Time for a positive shift in perspective, don’t you think?
Let’s now examine some of the ways you can stop feeling bad about something you did, stop feeling guilty over small things, and learn how to overcome guilt and regret you’ve been carrying for years.
Eliminate the Negative Stories and Develop New, Healthy Stories
As I mentioned earlier, we need to rewrite the stories that we have become so attached to over the years; the stories about what’s right and wrong, what we expect of ourselves, how important it is how others perceive us, and the stories about the things we did or said that we now regret. To do all of this, I would suggest some or all of the following:
- Work with an experienced mens life coach or therapist who can help you really understand how you came to create these stories, and the many ways you can begin to rewrite those stories to have a shift in perspective, and ultimately be free of the old, negative perspective that’s been guiding you all these years.
- Work with an energy healer/body practitioner who can help you release the trapped energy making it difficult for your mind to move beyond those old, stuck stories.
- Develop a spiritual practice that includes meditation and breathwork. These practices can teach you to quiet your mind, let go of looping thoughts, and offer a completely new perspective on your life (and the universe, actually) when you connect with something that is greater than yourself, outside of your self.
This is a brief overview of what you can do to have a positive shift in perspective to overcome guilt and regret. There’s obviously much more to learn and work to do to begin to shed that negative perspective and be free from unending guilt and regret. Most men can benefit from the support of an experienced guide who can coach them through this journey of emotional healing. It’s a journey well worth taking.
If you’re ready, you can book a 1-on-1 free consultation for 15 minutes, so we can discuss ways you can be the best man possible for yourself and, ultimately, the self-aware, compassionate, and confident man your partner is waiting for.
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