We come to a point in our lives when we realize something isn’t working. Perhaps we once believed we had things figured out. But now we’re married, have kids or have been grinding the stone for a lot of years, and we find ourselves not as happy as we once were. Or, we find ourselves frustrated, angry or sad. And worse, we’re taking it out on the people who love and need us most—our wives and kids.
Most men who find their way to this work (men’s work, counseling, etc.) come in believing they’re different from other men. What’s “wrong” with them is far more severe than what troubles other men, or so they think. The shame they carry isolates them from what they need most. The truth is, no matter how the details of our lives may differ, most men need the same things.
We need other men to help us figure out what’s not working, and to support us as we change to become better men. The old survival techniques and coping mechanisms—though essential and possibly lifesaving in their day—are no longer necessary. The bogeyman is long gone, but he continues to live in our heads. The men help each other to identify that bogeyman and destroy him. This is what happens when men learn to trust each other and to allow themselves to be fathered by one another.
The BetterMen process isn’t therapy. It’s part mentoring, teaching, loving and ass-kicking. In other words, it’s fathering. Men who participate in individual coaching, men’s groups, and our BetterMen Retreats, get the fathering they need to become the best men, husbands and fathers they can be.