It’s very common to hear these days about the importance of creating a “safe space,” at work, at retreats, in therapy and at schools. So common, in fact, it’s become a meme of our times. In all spheres of life, people are generally feeling unsafe; unsafe to be themselves, to share their opinions, and physically unsafe.
Much has been written about what’s happening in our society to cause these fears. But here, let’s focus on what we, as men, can do to make our relationships a safe place, and examine how to create emotional safety in a relationship.
We often go about our lives in a strikingly unconscious way. Meaning, we usually aren’t aware of what motivates us, how we’re coming across to others, or what we could actually do to change, even if we wanted to. In order to begin the process of learning to create emotional safety in marriage, we first have to understand what it means to feel safe in a relationship and why it is important to feel safe in a relationship.
Some of the things we’ll discuss next may or may not sound vital to you. But I can assure you of three things:
- Your partner is keenly aware of the importance of emotional safety in a relationship.
- She is equally aware of whether she currently feels safe in her relationship with you.
- And whether you’re aware of it yourself, feeling emotionally safe in your relationship is equally important to you individually, to your relationship, and to the health of your relationship.
What is Emotional Safety?
Feeling safe in a relationship can mean several things:
- Being comfortable to speak one’s mind
- Feeling heard and respected
- Trusting your partner and feeling trusted yourself
- Feeling valued
- Being validated
- Able to resolve conflicts lovingly
- Experiencing a love affair in your home
How would you evaluate your experience in your relationship based on the above criteria? It may be a challenge for you to make the assessment. Why? Well, if you haven’t been paying attention to her needs, you’ve probably ignored your own, as well.
Are you speaking freely and respectfully? Or did you stop sharing your feelings a long time ago because of the arguments that ensued?
Do you feel valued, and do you make an effort to let your partner know that she’s valued by you? Or have you felt unappreciated and allowed your “little boy” to pout, neglecting her needs?
It’s impossible to consistently offer your partner what she needs if you’re disconnected from your own need for emotional safety. That’s why it’s essential for men to do their inner work, whether through therapy, coaching or a men’s retreat or a men’s group.
Why is it Important to Feel Safe in a Relationship?
It’s important to feel safe in a relationship if the objective is to have an intimate, trusting and loving experience.
When safety is absent, so will be the inclination to share, to communicate. We all know by now that good communication is essential for a successful relationship. Once the communication suffers, the relationship as a whole will deteriorate.
You stop talking. Then you stop making plans. Then your sex life goes to shit. And then, you’re feeling stuck with seemingly no solution. Does this sound familiar? Well, I hope not. But if it does, then it’s time to learn how to make your partner feel safe in a relationship.
How to Make Your Partner Feel Safe in a Relationship
To make your partner feel emotionally safe, you’re going to have to do a little work:
1. Share your thoughts with her in a loving way and encourage her to do the same
This means you have to be honest and you have to learn to stop talking long enough so she has a chance to fully express herself to you without you rushing to fix things, to defend yourself, or do anything else that will deflect or distract from what she’s trying to share with you.
2. Eliminate all criticism from your conversations
If you expect your woman to trust you and to feel safe with you, you must not be critical of her…period! That will probably require you to learn new ways of communicating with her when you’re not happy with something.
If you start by saying things like, “Why did you do that?” or, “Are you kidding me?!” or anything in that vein, you’re chipping away at her femininity, making her feel bad, hurting her feelings, and pushing her away.
Instead, you’ll need to approach her in a very different way. For instance, “Hey babe, when you said that, it made me feel pretty terrible,” or “I get really frustrated when I need a tool and realize that it’s not in its place. That’s really important to me.”
Sharing how you feel, rather than leading with some critical statement, will encourage her to stay with you in the conversation so you can both be heard, validated, and appreciated.
3. Be a man of your word so she can fully trust you
This one is simple. If you say you’re going to do something, do it! If you need to have a conversation first or consult your calendar, then do so before you commit. If you don’t intend to do it, well then, don’t make the promise! A man is judged by his actions. If your words don’t match up with your actions, how can she possibly trust you?
4. Make sure there’s a love affair in your home
Be affectionate. Honor her love language. Acknowledge and appreciate what she does for you and your family. Plan date nights and weekends away. Surprise her.
The list is endless. But in order to embrace this approach, you have to want it; you have to want her. You can’t fake…at least not for very long. Because if it’s not coming from the heart, you’ll be inconsistent, and eventually forget all about this love affair thing.
I hope this looks at the importance of emotional safety in relationships and what it is and how to truly feel safe in a relationship, has offered you some helpful guidance for your own journey to creating a safe place for you and your partner in your relationship. There’s obviously much more to learn and practice to discover your individual path to becoming the best man you can be, and the man who’ll make your woman feel safe.
Most men can benefit from the support of an experienced guide who can coach them through this amazing journey of growth and self-realization. It’s a journey well worth taking.
If you’re ready, you can book a 1-on-1 free consultation for 15 minutes, so we can discuss ways you can be the best man possible for yourself and, ultimately, the self-aware, compassionate, and confident man your partner is waiting for.
- Emotional Safety in Relationships: What It Is & How to Truly Feel Safe - September 10, 2025
- How to Manage Anger and Release Negative Energy - August 26, 2025
- Journey to Inner Peace: Letting Go of Anger and Reaching Out for Help - August 8, 2025
